How To Be Human & Being Simultaneously

I have let go of a whole lotta things in 2017, including but not limited to countries, houses, jobs and various people.

Releasing the old to make space for the new seems to be my thing this year. And, because of that I have learned some powerful lessons for myself about the art of letting go.

In the beginning of this year, I went through a breakup.
It was a peaceful separation that we both knew was right.
And even though I didn’t initiate it, I very quickly accepted it as I knew in my soul that it was long overdue.

So this is what I would do to myself:

“Yep, I so get this. I SO know this is right. We’re not meant for each other, I always knew it. Uhu. AWESOME. Got it. Ok great, thank you for the lesson. Look at how quickly I’m over this already!! Woop woop!”.

2 hours later I get reminded of this person because of some teeny tiny thing and I curl up in a ball crying my face off in despair for the rest of the day.

Sigh.

It wasn’t just the crying my face off part that sucked.

What was even worse is the disappointment in myself on top of that.

Because hadn’t I decided to be over it alright already?
Didn’t I already “get” this on a deeper level?
Why can’t I skip all this pain if I already know what I KNOW – which is that it should go?

I have noticed this so often this year when it comes to letting things, or people, go.

Even though what I’ve gone through recently is far less intense, I still see the same patterns underneath it.

Which is that, as much as your BEING is telling you it’s already overdue to release the person or the thing…
It doesn’t mean your heart isn’t also falling out of your chest at the same time.
Feeling bare and exposed and raw and tender.

As much as your BEING is ready to move on….
Your HUMAN may still stalk you around for a good while with a rollercoaster of emotions.
That you just somehow are going to have to feel and deal with.

SOMETIMES YOUR BEING IS A FEW MILES AHEAD OF YOUR HUMAN…
Is what I’m trying to say.

And when that happens…

You just have to be damn KIND to yourself.
To give your heart time to reorganize.
To give your mind time to recalibrate.
And to give your human time to feel good again.

Because it takes time, yo.
It does.

We are after all: HUMAN & BEING.
We are both.

And that is 100% OK ❤

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Allowing Sunday Slowness

I made so much music this week that I think my muse got fed up with me.

I got put in temporary music-prison.

As a result, I’m too tired to even open Ableton… let alone share a snippet of any of the 81 new song ideas I’m working on.

Today, music doesn’t want me to create it.

My voice doesn’t want me to use it.
Tutorials don’t want me to watch them.

Food doesn’t want me to make it.
And my couch doesn’t allow me to leave it.

Today my tank is empty.
Everything is going slow.
And I have no choice but to allow it.

Today I’m “normal-ing”.
Like the rest of the world does on Sundays.

With Netflix.
And my couch.

Trusting that…
If I leave all my doing alone for a day…
If I dare to take a little break from all that I must create…

That my desire will come back.
That my muse will visit again.
And that my dreams will still be there tomorrow.

Happy Slow Sunday!

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Another Day, Another Demo

“Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.” – Andy Warhol

Right on Andy, right on.

When several people on different occasions mention the same quote in 1 week, you know you gotta pay attention yo.

I’m gonna make even more art!

In fact, it’s my intention to finish 2 tracks a month from now on, instead of 1.

And yes, I’m saying that out loud to keep myself accountable! #eek

Check out a preview of my latest one by hitting play on the video. You can listen to the full demo here: https://soundcloud.com/anjakicken/i-feel-you-demo

Happy week ahead ❤️

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Weird Shit You Shouldn’t Be Doing When You Don’t Master The Basic Shit

I’m officially gonna stop using sounds called “Kitchen_Utensils_2718_abX.WAV” in my music.

Something weird keeps happening in the process of me analyzing music in an attempt to learn from it.

It goes something like this:

  • Yeah, that’s alright, that offbeat hat in the reference track – but I’m gonna create a much more interesting pattern. Just you wait.
  • Yeah, that’s alright, that that’s effectively 1 bass note in the reference track – but I’m gonna create at least 27. Just you wait.
  • Yeah, that’s alright, that they’re using a typical deep housey stab sound in the reference track – but me here? I’m in fact gonna create stabs with a found sound called “Kitchen_Utensils_2718_abX.WAV because well, that’s WUHAY more interesting of course 🙄.

Just you wait.

Just.you.wait.

JUST YOU WAIT…until with all of your originalness you start trying to make it sound good together and you start noticing:

  • Hey, WAIT…this odd hat pattern is completely drowning out every other element?
  • Hey, WAIT…this bass loop doesn’t make sense with the rest of the tune at all?
  • Hey, WAIT…WTF is this stab sound even? Who even makes stabs sounds from kitchen appliances??

Just you wait until FOREVAH…because you’re trying to do the weird shit, when you don’t yet master the basic shit.

And that means you’re actually never going to pop out a badass SIMPLE tune – let alone a masterpiece.

OMG.

I am stating it right now.

I am officially done with trying to be original at the expense of my own learning!

I’m applying to Overcomplicators Anonymous.

Although stating it on this page may not entirely count as Anonymous.

But fuck it.

Who’s with me? Is there anything you need to uncomplicate and un-weird in your life?

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