Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what my drive is to make music, and also why I have such a burning desire to share it with others.
I realized that the longing to be on stage and share a message has been with me from a very early age. After having a short run with ‘astronaut’ my #lifegoals very quickly turned into becoming a ‘presenter, actress, musician, and writer’.
But, as much as part of me loves the stage and the spotlight, I realized that I’m also equally (or maybe even more so) interested in the bigger purpose that art has in my life.
What I mostly want to know, is not how big my audience can grow – but how art can be my healer.
For example, one of the things I’m currently struggling with is recording vocals for my EP.
It makes sense that after a few years of focusing mostly on music production and not on singing, I need to brush up on my skills a little bit.
But apart from that, I can tell that the process of recording vocals, in general, is triggering a lot of limiting beliefs around what my voice can and cannot do.
Questions that are coming up for me are:
Why, after graduating from the Conservatory as a vocalist, is recording vocals still such a scary thing to do? What am I afraid will be revealed?
What’s that part of me that keeps holding my breath and straining the wrong muscles when I sing, even though in theory I know so well what I’m supposed to do?
Is it because I’m stuck in this societal idea that I need to ‘tuck things in’ or because it feels unsafe to move out of my ‘head’ and live more fully in my body?
Why do I obsess so much about singing in tune that I get in the way of the natural movement of my larynx, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy of pitchiness?
How can I heal that part of me that wants to control every note instead of just letting them find their natural flow?
Ah, something with control… I’ve seen that show up more often in my life 😉
Even though I theoretically know some of the solutions to these problems, they are definitely not yet integrated into my being.
Which means there is more work to do!
The reason why that’s interesting is that I could totally get away with ‘living in my head’ and straining my breath if I wasn’t trying to record vocals for an EP.
But I can’t now, because if I keep singing this way I will sound forced and won’t be able to deliver the message of the songs.
So now, I have to deal with what the reason is for me trying to strain so much in the first place.
Which is another way of saying that, if you commit to your art, it will show you exactly where you need to be healed.
Being confronted with your perceived not-good-enough-ness is uncomfortable, but first and foremost fascinating.
By going through this process, I’m realizing that my art is not showing me my weak spots because it hates me.
It’s showing me my weak spots because it wants to heal me.
And, if I take it up on the invite and work right through it, I think me and my art can actually become best buddies, allies and growth partners.
Here’s to allowing our art to heal us from the inside out.
Instead of hoping that the approval of others for our art is gonna fix the outside in. Cause it won’t.
Can you relate? Let me know here on my Facebook Page!
PS: I booked some vocal lessons for the first time in 4 years! Exciting.